Some things that have been on my mind lately.

I have been mulling several things over for a few days now, and since this blog is titled Confessions of a Redhead...I'll just let it out. Blah here it is.

First of all (and this is related just hold on and I'll get to the point), I was getting my hair cut about 2 weeks ago now. And I noticed something, Josh is getting burned out. His passion for cutting hair is getting replaced by his new product line he is getting ready to launch. But even that seems to be taking it's toll on him. His step father is Farouk (maker of Chi and Biosilk hair care products).

So apply that to my own life. Running for instance was a passion of mine. By the time I got pregnant with Hope I was really getting pretty burnt out. My last marathon was just okay, I improved, but not by much. And the toll it took on my body was in another league entirely. I had been injured training for that marathon and had to take a month off training-the month right before the marathon. We are talking no road running, I did a few long training runs, jogging in the water. So, I needed a break. I really haven't even cared much about running until recently, and I feel like that part of me is waking up again. What's been fun to me is the "battling back" aspect of it all.

I'm still building to my point here...

You remember the "desperate housewife" comment from last week? You remember how it irritated me? I had to wonder why did that bug me so? Have you heard of that book Feminine Mistake? Again, I got my panties all in a wad when I heard about it. It's not that I'm looking for validation of what I do all day is important. I get it. I know that what I do all day is oh so important-and CAN be very fulfilling, but sometimes it's not. But that has to do with my attitude and my own feelings about my identity. I guess what struck a cord is that I don't want to loose myself, my own identity. I think I do a pretty good job, but there is always room for improvement.

I just started DVRing Oprah again, and I sat down last night to see what was on, and it was the one with working moms vs. stay at home moms. I really have no beef with working vs staying home. I stay home, it's what's best for me and my family, but that's not the point. This one particular stay at home mom was pretty self-righteous, but she did have a few good things to say and it got me thinking. It's about passion and bringing passion to whatever it is you do all day. Giving it your all. Not just going through the motions and getting through another day. I hate when life feels that way.

I like to feel like I'm actively engaged in my children's lives. BUT, I know I 've had days where I haven't really connected like I should with them. I've been mentally checked out. I can tell when I'm worn out, because I have a tiny little fuse. Things that normally don't bug me, drive me crazy.

But how to get to that point where you just aren't plain pooped out mentally...and it's only 2 pm? That's where finding things I love is important. Taking time out everyday to do things that I enjoy. I haven't played the piano for probably 6 months. That's going to change today. I work out everyday, but sometimes it's just going through the motions. Trying new things. Going back to some basic things that I really enjoy. I have been doing Yoga every night again and I'm really loving it. I love the way it makes my body feel when I'm done, but also I love being quiet and thinking about things. I like having some alone time everyday for a period of time. It's been harder lately because Scott has been gone a lot, but it can still be done. The kids are getting back on track with going to bed on time. Then "Heather time" comes in. I really do like to cook. Not the harried I've got 20 minutes to prepare a meal while Hope is crying and I'm trying to multi-task 10 different things. I'm talking, Hope is happily playing with Hunter, Hannah or Hayden (they really do that so well), I've got some music going that I like, I'm not rushing to get somebody off to practice, and I'm in the kitchen trying out a new recipe. Love that. But when you add the stress factor, a good thing becomes a chore again.

So, I guess we need to pay attention to ourselves first. Make sure we are doing what we need to be doing first. You know basics, scripture reading and personnel prayer, having meaningful conversations with our husbands, engaging in activities we love to do and then the meaningful relationships with our children, husbands, family and friends will fall into place better. I don't EVER want just an ordinary "desperate" life. Really, I feel sorry for the women that couldn't wait to get back to work because her life was feeling desperate. I like my life full of passion, excitement and connection, and that's what I strive for everyday. Now, with a renewed sense of well-being.